what if
by sugar free vanilla
Summary: "Do you ever wonder what if? All those moments something could've happened between us but - didn't. Because were interrupted or scared or with other people?" Kate and Castle talk about what might have been. Drabble series.


**This is going to be a series of connected drabbles, methinks. This kinda sets the premise so will be slightly longer than the rest; 't'will be lighthearted and fluffy for the most part, although a little bit of angst will be inevitable (but resolved). I'm thinking this is set sometime during season 5, although I'm not sure when. Wherever you believe it fits best!**

**I'm sure this has been done, but yolo. **

He brings it up the first time.

"Do you ever wonder…?" Castle trails off, doesn't finish his question. Kate's curiosity is piqued however, shifts in his lap so that she's facing him.

"Wonder what, Castle?" Tilts her head to the side, tries to read the expression painted across his features. It wasn't _sad_ per se; wistful, she decides, reaches up to stroke his cheek when he doesn't answer. "Hey. You can talk to me."

"Do you ever wonder what if? All those moments something could've happened between us but - didn't. Because were interrupted or scared or with other people? I don't know, I - sometimes I feel like we wasted so much time apart that we could have spent together. Could've been so happy - you make me _so _happy Kate."

She kisses him then, noses bumping as she pulls back slightly, breathes "Ditto," against his cheek.

'Heartfelt," He huffs - he's laughing though, so she digs an elbow into his ribs.

"I'll have you know that that _ditto_ came straight from the soul." He rolls his eyes at her and Kate chuckles at the role reversal. "But yeah, Castle. Sometimes I wonder 'what if?' But then I think maybe if we'd gotten together earlier we'd have fallen apart and I wouldn't have a few years of extra time if it meant risking our forever."

"Forever?" He grins. A blush heats her cheeks as she looks away. They've not exactly _discussed_ this.

"If that's okay with you."

Castle's smile widens. "I promised you always, Katherine Beckett. I'm just glad you'll let me follow through." Her hand finds his face, cradling his cheek as she traces the curve of his lips with the pad of her thumb. Says nothing, just sinks further into his embrace, content.

* * *

It's Castle who mentions _what ifs _next as well; that evening as they lie in bed, sated and comfortable.

"Remember the first case - when I said you'd have _no idea_-" Her voice is breathless, almost panting.

"I didn't." He interrupts, a salacious smirk upon his features as his hand coasts her bare skin, fingertips trailing down her spine.

"Yeah, well. Me neither." She finishes. He opens his mouth to stops him with her lips on his. "Shush, you. That ego of yours is big enough already."

"Not the only thing _big _about me." The suggestive waggle of his eyebrows earns him a laugh and a gentle backhander to the chest. She doesn't disagree though. _Definitely_ doesn't disagree. His face becomes more serious, the leer dropping from existence. A mask of perfect sincerity replaces it. "What I was going to say though - that case - that's a _what if_. And I'm _so _glad that's all it is. We would have been great, Kate, then. But compared to now? It'd be nothing."

"What do you think would have become of us if we'd gone to dinner that night?"

"Honestly?" Castle looks pained, as if it hurts him to even say it. "I would've invited you home. Fucked you. Shown you the door the next morning. Never seen you again."

The stab of pain Kate tries to hide must show on her face because he crumples as his gaze searches her, utterly miserable.

"Castle, it's okay. You're not that guy anymore. You're a good man, _my_ good man."

"You made me better, Kate. If it weren't for you - I'd still be like that. I'm so thankful you turned me down, then. That I get to _make love_ to you now, instead of screwing you then."

"Even if it would've been great," Kate quirks, breaking the tension, leaning into his chest as she feels him relax.

"Even if," he echoes, teeth scraping against the sensitive skin over her pulse. "Because I wouldn't trade being _extraordinary_ with you for the world.

And then she pulls him on top of her and there's no speaking after that; their mouths are otherwise occupied.


End file.
